That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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