Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
