Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize