As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She bit a glass in half.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize