Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
