There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
