3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
