I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
