This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
