You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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