i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
