Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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