Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
