it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
