what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
