So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
