I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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