They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize