I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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