Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
