you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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