I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
