He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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