What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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