Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
