You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
