I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
