if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
