Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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