Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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