What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I checked into jail on foursquare
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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