just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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