just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
