From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
