i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
