I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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