I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
