life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
