Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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