the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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