Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
