I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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