I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
