honey bunches of taint.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
