Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
