A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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