OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
