Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
