Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
