1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
