The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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