its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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