just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
