My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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