life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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