Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
