Say something about gay babies.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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