Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
