I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize