Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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