So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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