so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
