She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
