Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
