I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
