wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
