I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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