just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
