Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
