I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
