You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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