Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
