We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
