what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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