Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
