Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
one might say we're banned from that church
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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