Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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