Just fell off a train. Bad.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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