Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm at about main and main street
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
