how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
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