I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize