I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
