these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
