Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
