Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
