Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
