I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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