i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
