dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
