Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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