Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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