Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
