What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
