I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
