They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
