The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
