All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
