Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
