I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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