ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
