So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
