As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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